Little Things

So faced with such a huge event as moving to a new country, on a new continent, not knowing where exactly I'll live, not knowing the conditions I will live in (i.e. electricity, water?), not knowing anything substantial about what I'll be doing for two years, but knowing that I'm underqualified for whatever it will be, what do I focus on? Well, today I spent about an hour online searching for polo shirts to wear down there (I guess I need to look nice when I do health education). But not any normal polo shirts. I wanted ones that are a cotton/polyester blend that are breathable and fast drying. Wow. My roommate makes fun of me for focusing on these things. Like yesterday, I spent about an hour researching shortwave radios online. I found what I wanted for cheapish, but I still didn't buy it because I'm still researching (why? I cannot say). Why am I focusing on these little things?

Well, the only answer I have for myself (because it really is more of a rhetorical question) is that these are the only things I can control right now. Like I said earlier, I know so little about what I'm getting myself into, I guess I just try to micro-manage those things that I can control. So instead of trying to figure out who's going to Guyana with me, or where I might be placed, or what exactly I will be doing, I focus on making sure that my shirts are UV protected, odor resistant, and will wick my sweat. Is this kinda like when kids in families where the parents fight all the time end up engaging in self-mutilation because it gives them control over at least one aspect of their life? Maybe a little. Except without the cutting.

Just for the record, I now own four cotton/polyester shirts, with two more on the way. But I have taste. I don't buy the bright or shiny ones.

And by the way, I realize how ridiculous this is. I guess that's my point. Such a big thing I'm about to do, and I obsess about my shirts.